3 a.m. I was sleeping peacefully. I went to bed thinking happy thoughts following a spectacular astrology class and a great day training my replacement chef in the kitchen. All of a sudden, kablam! I am awake and obsessed. Aggressive mental suggestions turn into an emotional bender. All of a sudden, I have a headache (invalidating the self according to Louise Hay). I am clearly not going back to sleep any time soon.
Why all the sudden drama? Am I sabotaging myself because I am so close to actualizing my dream of a new life? Have I put too much pressure on myself, and now reality is crashing in on me? (I'd better check with Saturn). I'll have to admit, I have this vision that I will wake up September 2nd, the day after I stop cooking for a living, and become this ideal of myself. At the same time, I have a tremendous amount of fear that his will NOT happen. In reality, I will still just be me, warts and all, and that is OK.
I feel better now. Mercury is happy, I have communicated my observations about how I am feeling. (My natal Merc is in Cancer) My Gemini Sun is happy too. (Ruled by Mercury). Even my Sag Moon feels a little bit less out of bounds. Headache is lightening up.
Rev. Michael Beckwith says "choice is a function of awareness". I am aware that my thoughts are not rational at the moment, and I trust the process of my life. I choose to sit beside my fears and know they do not define me.
Oh, goodness, I can so feel where you are coming from!
ReplyDeleteI have gone to sleep happy and been awakened by my fears in the middle of the night. I have awakened with panic headaches.
I have made life changes that seemed crazy on the outside, but my heart knew I needed to or something inside would die. I have jumped into the unknown all at once, and I have stepped forward one step at a time because that was as far ahead as I could see.
Congratulations for taking this big step. There is a quote I love. It goes something like this: When one is committed, all kinds of unforseen forces show up to help.
And I would add: When you listen to that voice inside of yourself and follow that leading, miracles happen.
Thank you so much Suzanna. We shall see! :-)
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